Rules for Guys

Rules about life for guys.

Read these rules and remember them, they will help you get through life and help you unlearn some of the crap that we all develop as expectations about life from TV, Movies, Books and other sources of fiction, including many religious organizations (BTW faith and the organization are two different things -- don't confuse them). Some aren't really rules, just tips, some are guidelines rather than hard and fast rules -- but you're a guy, you'll figure out which is which before long.

1. It's YOUR LIFE.
   
   Commit it to someone, or to some cause, or pursue a dream or whatever, but do it because it is what you want to do with your life -- not because of what someone else has talked you into, or because you lost an argument or made a promise.
   
   
2. 98% of What you Tell a Woman in Secret WILL be Told to Someone Else.
   
   It may be done with the best of intentions on her part, but it will happen. Expect it. It is a fact of life: water is wet; the sun is hot; and women keep secrets by sharing them with others. You can never be sure which 2% they either forgot to tell or actually felt they needed to not repeat.
   
   
3. Keep Your Word
   
   A promise should mean something without needing to turn it into a contract and get lawyers involved. Live up to your commitments, and similarly, don't make commitments lightly and without fully expecting to deliver on them. If you're not sure you can live up to a request, say so, or say you'll try. When someone depends on you and you let them down IT IS a big deal.
   
   
4. It's OKAY to Change Your Mind
   
   Circumstances change, feelings change, expectations change. Keeping your word does NOT require you to be abused or be taken advantage of. See Rule #1. If changing your mind about something means breaking your word to someone, then be a guy about it -- be up front, do what you can to minimize the repercussions for them, and basically do those things that you would like someone to do for you if they told you they were going to break their word to you.
   
   
5. Keep Your Objectives in Mind and Your Emotions in Check
   
   In any meeting, argument, verbal fight, presentation, letter or other interaction that might impact your career or those goals that are important to you -- including your relationships -- ask yourself this question: "What is the outcome I most want from this interaction?"
   
   Many of our interactions end up shooting ourselves in the foot, by trying to show that we are smarter than whomever we are arguing with, or we can come up with a witty come back or bigger dis' or even simply to refute that we might be wrong about something. It's amazing what good things can happen when you speak only to further your objective and refuse to let your emotions open your mouth.
   
   
6. "Sometimes it is not enough to do our best; we must do what is required." [Sir Winston Churchill ]
   
   Inevitably there will come a time when doing whatever
   - is fair;
   - is healthy;
   - is smart;
   - is comfortable;
   - is logical;
   - is justifiable;
   - is affordable;
   - is familiar;
   - is our best effort;
   is not going to be adequate or appropriate for what needs to happen. If you aren't absolutely positive that your commitment to 'doing what is required' will be the same a week, a month, or a year from now, no matter what the repercussions, then recognize that you've been caught up in a fad, propaganda or a stirring speech.
   
   If you are truly committed to accomplishing what is required -- make it happen. Refer to Rule #1. Make sure it's your commitment, not someone else's 'convincing'.
   
   
7. Understand and use a META viewpoint on a regular basis.
   
   We learn by extracting the common charateristics from similar yet unique circumstances. The circumstances are the data we collect, the synthesis of commonality we impose on the data is our "data about the data" or the META data. You learn more from failure than you do from success, but only if your are intent on learning. Daily, review what happened to you during the day and see what you can glean to increase your insights.
   
   
8. Invest in tools.
   
   Tools for your craft -- whatever that may be, and tools to enable you to do a good job making repairs and improvements on the major purchases in your life (computer, house, car, etc.) Learn to use them, take care of them, keep track of them and store them properly.
   
   
9. Buy a house that you want to live in as soon as you possibly can.
   
   - Even if it means a long commute,
   - Even if it means renting rooms to 'mates,
   - Even if you think you may have to move in a year.
   
   
10. Relationships: Hidden Expectations
    
    "Men desire women for what they are; women desire men for what they can become. And the men never change and the women always do." Think about it.
    
    
11. Opportunity is never a matter of luck
    
    Opportunity results from preparation, attitude, networking, reputation and showing up. Be there, be ready, be friendly, be prepared and be aware. Also, see rule #5.
    Finally, ask for the opportunity. It has never ceased to amaze me how often the simple act of asking can make a difference. Despite numerous candidates, all qualified an able, interviewing for a particular job it often goes to the one who specifically asks to get the job (or "What can I do to help you decide that I'm the right person for this position?"). The same often happens when you are trying to land a new client, or get a contract signed. Among equals, he who asks usually gets it.
    
    
12. Almost nothing in life is fair.
    
    Understand it. Expect it. Deal with it. Get over it and move on. Sometimes the advantage will be yours, most time it will not seem to be. See rule #11, also See rule #13.
    
    
13. Learn the rules and tactics of negotiating.
    
    I highly recommend the Karass seminars and books. It will make a big difference in your life.
    
    
14. Read and Understand fully the following books:
    
    - Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, S. Covey
    - How to Win Friends and Influence People, D. Carnegie
    - Hero with a Thousand Faces, J. Campbell
    - The Discoverers, D. Boorstin
    - The Prince, N. Machiavelli
    - See Rule 13.
    
    
15. Take the Long View
    
    Ninety percent of the "civilized" world is so wrapped up in immediate gratification that they have lost the ability to think ahead with any consistency or depth. The idea of thinking 5, 10, 20 or 40 years ahead is inconceivable to them. This includes those people who claim to be investing for their retirement, but watch their portfolio daily for profits -- they will benefit themselves ultimately, but it will be one of the few times that their short-sightness has the prospect of melding with a long term view.
    
    Take the long view with acquaintances, interests and learning, hobbies and skills development, and building a home. Never allow yourself to believe that the situation is static and will never change -- it always changes. Anything can be accomplished given enough time and consistent effort to acheive it. Too many people throw away opportunities for fostering relationships, growth, opportunities, and future benefits because the payback is not immediate or some short term event made them angry, hurt or frustrated. See rule #5.
    
    
16. Make a Difference in Someone's Life - Bestow 'Grace'
    
    "Grace" has a bunch of meanings most of which are derivative of the original sense of grace as an unexpected, undeserved, unwarranted, benefit. Or as Webster's 1913 edition puts it: "The exercise of love, kindness, mercy, favor; disposition to benefit or serve another...". Don't stop yourself from taking the time to make a difference in someone else's life, especially someone you just barely know. Be the "lone ranger" who shows up to help out and then disappears without looking for thanks or praise or recognition. You will be amazed at how many times little things at minimal cost to you will make a huge difference to someone else.
    
    Help the new neighbor move in and get settled. Give a frazzled waitress an undeservedly large tip -- especially if she's working the late shift on Christmas. Adopt an old dog. Take the time to sit and listen without judging. Pay the toll for the guy behind you now and then. In general, be neighborly. (We don't seem to be neighbors in that sense anymore, we just live next to each other.) Make it a priority to give of your time now and then.
    
    
17. Faith
    
    To use an old aphorism, saying you are a good Christian because you go to church, or that you are a good Muslim because you can recite the Qu'ran doesn't make it so any more than standing in a garage and being able to recite the owners manual makes you a good car.
    
    First, develop faith in yourself and in your innate goodness and ability to deal with whatever life delivers to you (see rule 15 also).
    
    Second, realize that the universe is vast -- really, really vast. So you can count on the fact that whatever creative force initiated or manages it all will not be responsive to even the most fervent prayers to have your particular lottery number come up, to smote that particular person with a miracle, or get you into her pants. And trying to bargain with that force to get you out of a jam or shorten the pain of a hangover will be pretty fruitless as well.
    
    Do what is right, because you know it to be right -- not because some used car salesman in religious garb or his particular operations manual says so. See Rule 1. Religion is a road map to faith ... but the maps haven't been updated for centuries and may not be accurate in your neighborhood ... but that doesn't mean that faith should be abandoned -- just that you will need to find your own way.
    
    
18. RESERVED FOR FUTURE USE-- additional rules forthcoming --